Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
