I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
