I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i will never coherently bang her
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
