Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I understand Curling. That high.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
