you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
