What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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