If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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