we have pet lesbian snakes
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
