2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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