Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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