we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
