i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
