you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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