i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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