"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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