i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
