3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
