This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
