i think my tv is drunk
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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