Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
