Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Randomize
