Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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