Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
