some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
