Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
