Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
