I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
