you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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