apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
