i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
