Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just cropdusted the office
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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