idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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