i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I stole a fireplace last night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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