I didn't shave. On purpose
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
