so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
