I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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