im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
