I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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