ugly people sure do ruin things
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
