"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
