He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
