i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
