I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
