when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Randomize
