are you still at the devil's house?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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