Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
