My friends, they love my intelligence
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
