if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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