there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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