found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Do vagina's smell?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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