woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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