Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
